Lovely sonnets! The first one speaks to my heart today. He makes all things beautiful in his time, even when it feels like we are going in reverse. The final couplet is satisfying with the image of worthless sand sparkling like glass. There's a sense of futility in the second one, with all the effort accumulating into dried up leaves, that I really appreciate, and I wonder if a different final couplet could return to that leaf/tree metaphor to round it out? Sometimes we do not see the fruit of our labor, and that second sonnet gives me permission to feel this. Thank you, Kate!
Both these poems turn on the trope of salvation via destruction of the self, ground into sand or fallen into leaves. I think the last two lines you proposed to the second - which has the days like autumn leaves burned - is a much better, truer ending. I have a vision of your bookshelf with copies of Herbert, Vaughn and Donne in pride of place. A grand tradition to be working in. Thank you!
Lovely sonnets! The first one speaks to my heart today. He makes all things beautiful in his time, even when it feels like we are going in reverse. The final couplet is satisfying with the image of worthless sand sparkling like glass. There's a sense of futility in the second one, with all the effort accumulating into dried up leaves, that I really appreciate, and I wonder if a different final couplet could return to that leaf/tree metaphor to round it out? Sometimes we do not see the fruit of our labor, and that second sonnet gives me permission to feel this. Thank you, Kate!
Thank you so much! Now you've got me rethinking the couplet on the second one. I wonder if
But they will fall as autumn leaves in turn
When all things in your love at last will burn.
would work?
Yes! I love this new ending.
Sweet! Thank you so much for your comments--they were really helpful.
This is too much fun. Thank you for inviting us into your creative process.
Thank you for participating!
Both these poems turn on the trope of salvation via destruction of the self, ground into sand or fallen into leaves. I think the last two lines you proposed to the second - which has the days like autumn leaves burned - is a much better, truer ending. I have a vision of your bookshelf with copies of Herbert, Vaughn and Donne in pride of place. A grand tradition to be working in. Thank you!
Thank you so much!
Beautiful, Kate. Thank you.
Thank you so much!
I loved the rust.
The first one is **killer**. So well done, so moving.
Thank you!
I also like the first. You're lovin' some apocalypse. I'm an athiest, but I get it. Some days.
Some days, I am just ready for everything to be done and different.